Therapy for People-Pleasers Who Struggle Setting Healthy Boundaries

You feel like the needs and feelings of others come before your own.

It's as if your sense of self-worth is dependent on how helpful or accommodating you are. 

You can't say no, and if you do, the guilt is just overwhelming.

You keep your emotions bottled up, until you inevitably explode. Or you shut down and withdraw. 

How I Can Help:

When people think of boundaries they think of being rude or harsh. But in reality, setting boundaries for yourself is one of the most compassionate things you can do for yourself AND others. Without them, you're stuck feeling frustrated, drained, and resentful. It doesn't have to be this way.

In our work together I will help you:

• Identify and become more aware of your feelings in relationship to others

• Gain a better understanding of the barriers that are limiting your ability to set limits and boundaries

• Learn to recognize how boundaries are being crossed

• Develop skills necessary to communicate needs and feelings

• Work on establishing self-care strategies

If you're like most straight cisgender guys, you might have no idea what to do when your wife or girlfriend is asking you to open up to her. 

She always seems to want more from you and it's stressing you out because no matter what you do, you can't seem to make her happy. Which is making you unhappy.

You want to understand what she's asking for, how to access it, and how to express it.

How I Can Help:

I have seen in both my personal and professional life that most heterosexual men are at a real disadvantage in romantic relationships (and overall mental health) due to the fear of vulnerability and limited emotional tools they've been given. It's scary to let that guard down. And it's not something our culture encourages men to do.

But it's the secret to a happy relationship and life.

Pretty unfair, right? So I've made it a focus of mine to act as a coach, educator, and guide for the men who find themselves succeeding in other aspects of their lives, but struggling in their intimate relationships.

What does this look like?

• We'll explore the problem and assess your family and relationship history to figure out what's going on and why.

• We'll work together to come up with concrete goals you can achieve in a reasonable period of time.

• We will then create a game plan for how you'll meet those goals.

• We'll explore barriers and how to overcome them.

• I'll be teaching you the skills and behaviors necessary to achieve change in your relationship, while providing you with direct guidance, feedback, and support along the way.

Somewhere along the line you consciously or unconsciously learned that in order to be happy, you needed to make other people happy.

So you avoid conflict at all costs.

You hold back from saying what you’re really thinking or feeling because you don’t want to upset anyone, be a burden, be rejected, or be negatively judged.

You are pretty even-keeled, never or rarely showing strong emotions.

People are always coming to you for help or support, and you like being helpful and feeling needed.

You have a difficult time making decisions or even knowing what you really want because you’re too focused on what other people want for or from you.

You don’t have many close relationships, especially with other men.

You’re stressed from always trying to fix or control people or situations, and you feel taken for granted, unappreciated, or taken advantage of.

You’re trying to cope with your stress by abusing substances, having sex or watching porn, gambling, working too much, or engaging in some other addictive or compulsive behavior.

You try to hide any flaws or mistakes, and believe if you do everything “right”, you’ll have a happy life.

But for some reason, you’re not happy.

How I Can Help:

I have worked with many men in my practice who can relate to the above criteria, so you’re definitely not alone. I’m passionate about helping men break free from this “nice guy” persona so that they can actually get what they want and need out of life and relationships.

And contrary to popular belief, the goal isn’t to become an asshole. There is a middle ground. And that’s to become a generous, caring guy who acknowledges and communicates his needs and desires, accepts himself as he is, sets boundaries, and has the courage to risk disapproval, conflict, and even rejection to live a life of integrity and authenticity.

I can show you how to get there if you’re ready to do the work.